To be or not to be!

I have always wanted to be a writer.. not just any writer, but someone the world would avidly read. I don't remember when I have started reading, however, what I do remember is that I always loved books. I remember my excitement on the first day of my school. My Mom accompanied me to the school, Cambridge High School in Cuttack (my Dad was posted there!) and spoke to the Mother Superior about my admission. The day is so vividly ingrained in my memory - a large room with a mahogany desk behind which the Mother Superior was seated. The desk was so huge that I actually stood on my toes to look at her. Or is it possible that I was so small that everything looked huge in perspective? Ah well, whatever it is, it seemed huge and I was desperate to look at the Mother.

I sat next to my Mom, while she had a very lengthy conversation (at least it seemed so!) with the Mother. Finally, I heard the magical words that I am admitted. Well, remember, I was too young to understand English, hence my Mom translated it for me in Telugu and she also told me that I can start school from the next day. Aw shucks, why cannot I not start today and that is exactly I asked the Mother in Oriya. She just threw her head back and laughed out loud and said something in English to my Mom, who in turn looked at me and translated for my benefit. Apparently, she said that she had never met a child who is so eager to start school.

An ayaah was promptly called and I was taken to "my classroom". When I stepped into the class, there were many curious eyes that turned towards me and I reacll feeling as though I was being appraised. I don't remember how many of those kids accpeted me and how many rejected, but it was my moment and I Iived it. What a living it was as it stayed with me till date and I am talking about my first day at school that happened 36 years ago! Tch.. Tch.. don't even try guessing my age. :-)

I remember sitting in the first bench and waiting eagerly for the teacher to give me my first book! Alas it did not happen!! I was too young to realize that my books need to be bought by my parents from the book store. They have to then cover them with brown covers and label them and only then would I get to hold them in my hands.

My dear friends, if you have not guessed by now, I better explain - the reason I was so eager to start school was so that I can get my own books! True, I did not get my books that day, not even the next day (it took about a week), but finally when I got them, I was thrilled beyond words. Though I could not make out the words, I simply loved the illustrations, the crispness of the paper, the smell and mostly the feel of the books in my hands. That night when I went to bed, I kept the books near my head and gone off to sleep looking at them. I distinctly recall the last thought before I slipped into the untroubled sleep of an innocent child - How wonderful to be a person who can create such books?

I have contemplated a lot of career options and in many instances did make those changes, but one constant factor in my life was the aspiration to be a writer. Ask the many unfinshed stories and some finished stories in my old notebooks! They stand testimonial to this unending spirit of an amateur novelist. Even my finished stories never saw the light of the day, essentially for the following reasons:

• They were the ramblings of a teen ager, who was shy to share her stories with anyone, for the fear of being made fun of


• Even if she picked up the ocurage to do share it with the rest of the world, did not know how to get them published

And then the rat race of life caught up with me, and never had the time to do any creative writing. Oh, I did dabble in feature articles, management fundas and all that is commercial...

Yes, I can no longer contain this constant urge to write, to express myself, to spread my wings and fly in the fascinating world of words. And what best place to start but on a blog to test my rusted literary skills. Experiment with those few who are willing to indulge in the musings of a middle-aged woman, who had led an ordinary life. But, let me tell you that I have met more than ordinary and extraordinary people. In some cases, I had the opportunity of living with them. Hope to introduce them to you in more postings to come.